A Letter To My Daughter

 

My lovely daughter,

I know you are not my biggest fan right now.  I know that things are complicated and confusing. I know you don’t mean the things you say.

I know you want independence and autonomy.  I know you want your privacy.  

I could let you choose your own bedtime and face the consequences that come the next day. 

I could let you eat only candy and skip meals.

I could let you do what you want and ignore the rest.

I want to.  It would be so much easier to just let you do whatever you want.

But my job is to prepare you to be ready to take on the world.

The rules don’t change.  Bedtime means no electronics and no phone.  Dinner time means you eat and clear your plate.

You do your chores and your homework before playing Minecraft.  

You hate it, I know… I can tell by the way you treat me.

I am the adult, so I walk away instead of yelling back.

I say “I love you” in response to you wishing you had any parent other than me.

And I go to bed hoping tomorrow I can put the pieces of my heart back together, again.  Wondering if there will be a time that I won’t be able to repair the pieces left behind.

 I hope you never know how much your words hurt me or that I cried myself to sleep last night. 

I hope you never know the way my heart shatters when you call me names and wish I wasn’t your mom.

I hope you never feel the loneliness that comes after your daughter says she hates you.

I hope you never know how it feels to be broken by someone you love.

So, while you fight me every second of every day, I hold onto the belief that you will one day love me again.

-          Mom