It’s been a while since I posted last… life speeds up and before
you know it – 5 years have passed.
I try my best to be honest when talking with other parents. Honest about my parenting skills (and fails), challenges and about my kids.
I love my kids fiercely – anyone who knows me should be able
to see that. But I am also very well
aware of who my kids are and the challenge they both bring to life.
In March 2015 we began the difficult road of special
education with Elyzabeth. I was not 100%
open about what it was like with Elyzabeth, the struggles and the frustration
that led us to have her evaluated. I’ve
mentioned tantrums… but that isn’t really what we were experiencing. It was
more like a nuclear reactor exploding repeatedly until everything in its wake
was destroyed, broken and exhausted.
Tantrums are normal… they help kids express their feelings
and test the boundaries. My husband and
I were very VERY diligent in NOT giving into the tantrums – so the continued
explosions were confusing.
The littlest thing would cause here to explode – “Elyzabeth,
take off you shoes” could result in 2 hours of crying/screaming.
Brining her home from school was always a challenge. IT would start in the car and continue into
the house. Screaming, throwing things, kicking,
and crying. It would go on for 2 to 3 hours! By the time Josh got home from work, I was
exhausted and frustrated and DONE!
This was EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!
The only bright spot / relief that came was from Dance. Seriously her dance teacher, Shannon, was my
guardian angel. I’d show up with puffy eyes
and a screaming child. And she would
just know what to do. Elyzabeth would
be out of my arms, and I would run back to the car where I would sit and cry through
the entire 45 min class.
I would cry, alone in my car. (I think some of the parents thought I was
crazy!)
I was Exhausted.
I was confused.
I was failing.
Nothing I could do was working.
I was a bad mom! I didn’t
want to pick my kid up from school or dance.
I’d sit in the parking lot and cry about the fact that I had to bring
her home. I loved her – but the hours of screaming at the end of the day were
atrocious.
But the truth – I was exhausted and just trying to pretend everything
was fine.
During the summer after kindergarten, we started Elyzabeth in
counseling. Why does a 6-year-old need counseling? Because the school convinced me it was
something only happening at home. Obviously,
we were doing something that was causing our child to be this way.
So, we started counseling.
About a month into the sessions the therapist aske if she had been
evaluated for Autism / ADHD?
And that was when everything started turning around for us
as a family.
At the beginning of the school year, I started keeping track
of all the emails from the school.
Elyzabeth hit **** today
Elyzabeth had a fit and spent most of the
day in the take a break chair.
Elyzabeth …
Elyzabeth …
Elyzabeth …
And yet, none of the teachers say an issue. We fought from October to March to get Elyzabeth
evaluated by the school – and repeatedly they refused. We could have continued to fight, we could
have called PACER or other resources to forced their hand…. But I was exhausted
and impatient.
So we pulled her out of school for 3 days and had her tested
at a psych clinic.
When we showed up for the results – I think I cried most of
the way through the meeting.
·
Severe Anxiety
·
Severe ADD
·
Dyslexia
·
Dysgraphia
But what hit me most – was the comment the doctor said at
the very beginning.
“This is not an accurate report. The evaluations we received
from the school describe Elyzabeth as always attentive. Stays in her chair most days and causes
little disruption. After spending three
days with her – there is no way accurate to how she is behaving in school.”
And just like that – it all made sense!
The screaming!
The kicking!
The chaos!
My child was trying to tell me something – and I wasn’t
listening.
My heart broke that day, in a way I can’t explain.
My life changed forever.
There are events in life that drastically change your
perspective – birth of a child, death of a parent – these events are so
profound you start referring to “Before” and “After”.
This was one of my events.
This was the AH HA moment of parenting for me. It wasn’t some magic switch that caused everything
to be fine… but it gave me information and tools!
That was 6 years ago.
It’s been a long road – but I am so thankful to have the information
needed to help my daughter.
We have had her re-evaluated several times since that first
report. Each time we are getting a
clearer image of how best to assist Elyzabeth.
Anyone who is struggling like this… I am here and I have been
there!
Shannon is still one of our favorite dance teachers and
still someone who will forever be an important part of my daughter’s life. Without
her strength and compassion – I am not sure where we would be right now.
Today, Elyzabeth is performing in the Christmas
recital. She is performing a POINTE
dance for the first time and will be doing a duet with her sister are several competitions
this spring.
We have come a long way!
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