I grew up a Christian. I don’t have any fancy stories about how I found God, or how I was saved by Jesus. I can’t remember a time in my life that God wasn’t important. Even though I have always had strong faith, it has been tested and tried many times over the years.
The past four months have been one of the most trying for my faith. After 2 miscarriages, it is hard sometimes to hear people tell me: “It’s not in God’s plan.” Because sometimes, I just want to be angry and stubborn. I want to yell, scream and stomp my feet. I want to act like my 4 year old and throw a temper tantrum in the middle of the mall. I want what I WANT!
And then, I have wonderful conversation with my beautiful daughter. I believe she is how God talks me down from my tantrums. This morning, as we were getting ready to go to daycare and work she grabbed me and gave me a huge hug. And she whispered in my ear, “Mommy, you are beautiful.”
I wish I could be one of those people who never questions, and never doubts. All I do is try the best I can to be strong and surround myself with the positive people in my life.
That being said, I wanted to say a special comment about all the support I have gotten lately.
To those of you who read my blog, comment and follow me: Thank you! I appreciate your thoughts whether voiced or silent.
To the random calls and emails to just check up on me: Thank you! I need to hear your voices and remember that I am NOT Alone.
To those who allow me to pretend everything is fine: Thank you! I need to be able to pretend every now and then.
To my aunts Renea & Penny: Thank you for all you do for me. The necklace and the prayer shawl are constant reminders of your love and encouragement from afar.
And to my amazing Husband. I love you.
You are always in my thoughts, and I know that you will call me when you need me. But we really do need to make a plan to get together. I know your summer was pretty hectic but now that things have "calmed" down we need to figure out a play date and mommy date too!
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