BROKEN

After my miscarriage in May, I was devastated to say the least.  And until then, I did not understand post-partum depression.  I knew it was real, I had friends who suffered from it, I just wasn’t one of them.  And in all honesty, I never suffered from any type of depression either. But after the miscarriage I was seriously depressed.  At first, I thought it was exhaustion.  I wasn’t sleeping well and I was just tired all the time.  However, I put off going to the doctor thinking… “this too shall pass.” But it didn’t.

Then I went on vacation. During my amazing week vacation I was feeling better.  I thought, “You know what, all I needed was a little R&R.”  (See previous post).

After returning from vacation I found out I was pregnant.  I didn’t tell anyone.  I was scared and nervous.  Afraid to be excited.  Afraid that again I would lose.  The doctor said, “It is very common to have 1 miscarriage.  And the number of women who experience a second one is very rare.  Plus, you have 1 child already so that is a good thing.”

And a week ago today, I lost my second pregnancy.  The first time around I was told, “It’s nothing you did.  These things happen.”  But it doesn’t feel that way now. 

Now, I just feel broken.