So… Hello again everyone.
My life has been soooo out of balance the last year, I haven’t had time
(or desire) to blog. So, over the next
couple of days (or week) I hope to get caught up, and continue blogging going
forward.
So much has happened in the last 12 months, I am so amazed
that I survived a lot of it. Between
Dance recitals, C-sections, kindergarten, and the persistent money issues that
come with having kids; I have been exhausted and off center for a while.
After Rebekah was born, I wasn’t prepared for the flood of
emotions that came with it. When I would
hear people talking about post-partum depression, I didn’t fully understand the scope and
complexities that came with it. No, I
never felt like hurting myself or my babies.
It was more of a feeling of failure and the inability to manage the
demands day by day.
Two things are still very very vivid in my mind about those
first few months after Rebekah’s birth.
The first event was about 2 weeks after her birth. I had been home maybe 8 or 10 days. Josh had already returned to work. Elyzabeth was going to daycare, so it was
just baby and me at home.
Rebekah had eaten and should have been napping. I was tired and in pain. All I wanted was to sleep and I wasn’t
getting much sleep while holding Rebekah.
Once I laid her down she started screaming, which in turn made me
cry. Although it was only 3 or 4
minutes, it felt like an eternity. And
I cried and cried and cried. Why? Because ..well, just because.
The next one was when we had people over. Josh and I were doing up some dishes while
dinner was baking, and he spilt some water on my pants. I erupted into tears. I picked up Rebekah and retreated to my room
where I sat and cried for over a long long time.
Even thou these events stand out in my mind, I really had no
idea that I was really in trouble. I am
by no means saying that these 2 events clearly diagnosed me with depression,
but they were some signs that things just weren’t right. Obviously there were other signs, yelling at Josh for no reason. Yelling at Elyzabeth for no reason. (Poor Girl!)
But thru it all, my friends and family totally supported me
and encouraged me to get help.
I was prescribed Zoloft and started taking it shortly after
returning to work. But how do you know
if it is working? It’s not like you can
take an Xray or Blood test to see if it is working.
Well, the truth is – It wasn’t working. Or at least not completely. I wasn’t as bad, but I wasn’t better
either. I was choosing to go to bed
instead of spending time with my family and friends. I was spending most of my weekends sleeping
because I just didn’t feel like doing anything else.
But it wasn’t until my husband told me that he felt like our
relationship was falling apart, that I realized I still needed help.
So I called the doctor again asking him for
suggestions. He changed my meds and told
me to give it a couple weeks… and see
what happens.
Well, a little over 2 weeks and I feel AWESOME! I can’t remember the last time I felt so
alive. So Normal. I sent my girls to dance with my husband on
Saturday, and instead of taking a nap I cleaned! Like really cleaned.
I look forward to going to work in the morning, and coming
home to see my beautiful family!
Why am I telling you this?
Because I don’t think there is enough press out there about how to DEAL
with post-partum depression, or depression in general. There always the ads that say, “If you are
having suicidal thoughts call for help.” But what if it isn’t that bad, what if
it can be caught sooner. What if those
women who have attempted to drown their kids, or drive the minivan into the
ocean got help when the symptoms were earlier on? Maybe, just maybe there would be a few less
sad stories out there.
But it is a bigger issue than just the person who is
depressed. While depression can be
pretty obvious from the outside, it isn’t that obvious from the inside. It is so easy to say, “Why didn’t she go get
help?” But I would like all of us to ask
a different question, “Why didn’t her loved ones tell her to seek help?” Why didn’t anyone around her notice what was
going on? Where is the support system?
I truly believe that my life and family are strong and
together because my husband took the time to say, “Honey, something is
wrong.” Without that, who knows…. Maybe
I would the mom who walks away from her family.
