Looking Back

Now that I am at 14 weeks today, I feel it is a great time to look back and reflect on what seemed like Years of worry, stress and sadness.

I was feeling pretty crappy for a couple days. Nauseous, overly tired and my boobs were KILLING ME!  So, even though I was 4 days away from my “missed” period, I took a test anyways.  I was prepared for it to be negative, and to just move on with my night, and make sure I had plenty of “products” on hand.  I actually took the test and left the bathroom… it was a good 15 minutes later when I returned that I saw the word “Pregnant” printed clearly on the stick.

I thought I would be happy, but I had so many other emotions tied up in me, I don’t think Happiness was one of them.  I was scared and apprehensive.  I started crying as I told my amazing husband that I was pregnant again.  We had already decided, after 2 back to back miscarriages that getting pregnant was apparently not my problem.  I was so afraid that I would lose this one too. 

So the next day, I sent an email to my OB.  And immediately they call me back and requested that I come in for blood panels.  So every other day for about 2 weeks I was in the clinic for blood draws.  And every day, I would wait on pins and needles for the results to come back… “Please go up, please go up.”  And a sigh of relief once I saw the numbers did indeed go up. 

And the whole time I am stressing about the blood tests, I am also stressing about everything else.  Was that a cramp?  Am I going to find blood when I go to the bathroom next time?  The anxiety was so bad I would actually avoid going to the bathroom until the very last minute. 

At 5 weeks, I finally had hormones high enough that a ultrasound was ordered.  At 5 weeks, there isn’t usually a lot to see.  But we were able to see a gestational sac, a beautiful “blob” and the implantation site.  

This should have made me feel better, but it didn’t.  Although I knew I was farther along than the 2^nd miscarriage, all I could think was… “oh God I can’t lose this one too…” 

And so, the stress continued, and the blood tests continued.  Finally at 7 weeks, another ultrasound was done.  And this one showed an amazing heart beat!  Strong and steady!  It also showed me at 8 weeks!  Finally… I was starting to calm down.

And now at 14 weeks I am excited and happy!  I have made the announcement! And, I am surrounded my amazing people who are super excited for us.  

And now, my blog posts are gonna be good!  It is hard for me to blog when I am keeping a HUGE secret! 

So hang in there Friends!  Better Blogs to come!