Going it alone.... Epic Fail take 1

My husband doesn't travel often. In fact, I can count his business trips since we have been married on one hand.   So, we don't spend very many days or nights apart.  Which is what made the last week the low light of my summer. 

I saw it coming. I knew in March that he would be traveling in August.  And the closer it got, the more nervous I became.  I don't like when he travels, I don't like feeling like a single parent, and I certainly do NOT like how quiet the house is after Elyzabeth goes to bed (Assuming i am successful in getting her to bed.)

So, friends and family have all reached out to check on me and encourage me that the week really isn't that long.  Well,  the joke is on them.  Because right now, with 24 hours to go, I am pretty sure several of my friends & Family really REALLY wish they were not so willing to help.  However, as I tell this tale you will laugh, cry and probably itch like mad!

So Wednesday morning I sent Josh off to the work with his Airport bag in tow. After work, i picked up Elyzabeth and met a friend and her kids at a amazingly wonderful church carnival.  There were games, bouncy houses, food and even a petting zoo.  Elyzabeth had so much fun she was ready for bed even before we got home.
    As I crawled into bed I smiled... one night down, this is going very very well.

Thursday came and went with very little issues, other than my tires all being between 12 and 15 lbs of air low... oh well, not the first time I had to put air in my tires.

However, Thursday night wasn't so great.  After eating dinner, it took me over 2 hours to get Elyzabeth in bed.  Time out after time out, she just was out of control.  I know that reasoning doesn't work with her, so I put her in her room.  Every time she left her room, one of her toys went into "Jail" (The big box on top of our fridge),  Four toys in jail, 75 minutes of screaming  and she was finally in her room quietly laying in bed... and so was I.

Friday promised to be better.  Dinner and the vikings game with the girls!  What could be better! 

The girls arrive and the night commences.  After an amazing appetizer at The Crooked Pint, we proceeded to the game where the Vikings won.  And then back to the Crooked Pint for more drinks and food.  Unfortunately, the babysitter called and Elyzabeth puked in her sleep, all over the couch, floor and stairs... I spent the next couple of hours washing clothes. 

Saturday, the same night time routine... only this time after 20 minutes and 2 toys in jail gave up and let her sleep with me.  Woke up several times with her complaining of a headache and tummy ache. Apparently, sleep was not a luxury this weekend.

Sunday came with it's own surprise.  A Rash!!  And after a 2 1/2 hour doctor visit, we are the proud owner of Strep!  Yep, Again.  Antibiotic in hand I proceed to discuss daycare options. Luckily, my dad and Grandma had already been exposed to our Strep, so they volunteered to babysit,  Thank God!  Because, I used my PTO up on my last 2 misfortunes.

6:15am and I am up.  ELyzabeth's bag packed.  Antibiotic taken.  Car Seat Secured and my dad is off with Elyabeth for a day of Fun at Great Grandma Olsons. 

Up earlier then I ever actually get up, I have time to stop and get coffee.  Coffee in hand, and my calm demeanor I start the week optimistic that there is only 2 days left of single parenting. 

8:30am my grandma calls.  Elyzabeth now has hives all over her back, face and neck.  Really? Okay, off I go to take her back to the doctor. 

9:30 we arrive at the clinic and are quickly taken to a room.  As I hold Elyzabeth reading a book, something catches my eye.  No, it's not the french braids my grandma so carefully braided into my daughters hair.  It is  the bug I see crawling in said braid.

Oh My Goodness... I think my daughter has lice.  No, that isn't possible, i just washed her hair yesterday and combed it.  I must be seeing things, but no, there is another one!   In the middle of my internal freak out, the doctor comes in.

So I say, "Well, Doctor.  We have a couple issues going on here.   As you can see she has some hived going on, and I think she is allergic to the antibiotic.  Oh, and I think she has lice."

And the verdict...(drum roll please)...

It Amanda for the gold! Strep, Allergic reaction to Antibiotic and LICE! 

So, how was your weekend?

Faith tested and an Ode to Friends.

I grew up a Christian.  I don’t have any fancy stories about how I found God, or how I was saved by Jesus.  I can’t remember a time in my life that God wasn’t important.  Even though I have always had strong faith, it has been tested and tried many times over the years.

The past four months have been one of the most trying for my faith.  After 2 miscarriages, it is hard sometimes to hear people tell me: “It’s not in God’s plan.”  Because sometimes, I just want to be angry and stubborn.  I want to yell, scream and stomp my feet.   I want to act like my 4 year old and throw a temper tantrum in the middle of the mall.  I want what I WANT!

And then, I have wonderful conversation with my beautiful daughter.  I believe she is how God talks me down from my tantrums.  This morning, as we were getting ready to go to daycare and work she grabbed me and gave me a huge hug.  And she whispered in my ear, “Mommy, you are beautiful.”     

I wish I could be one of those people who never questions, and never doubts.   All I do is try the best I can to be strong and surround myself with the positive people in my life. 

That being said, I wanted to say a special comment about all the support I have gotten lately. 

To those of you who read my blog, comment and follow me:  Thank you! I appreciate your thoughts whether voiced or silent.

To the random calls and emails to just check up on me: Thank you!  I need to hear your voices and remember that I am NOT Alone.

To those who allow me to pretend everything is fine:  Thank you!  I need to be able to pretend every now and then.

To my aunts Renea & Penny:  Thank you for all you do for me.  The necklace and the prayer shawl are constant reminders of your love and encouragement from afar.

And to my amazing Husband.  I love you.

BROKEN

After my miscarriage in May, I was devastated to say the least.  And until then, I did not understand post-partum depression.  I knew it was real, I had friends who suffered from it, I just wasn’t one of them.  And in all honesty, I never suffered from any type of depression either. But after the miscarriage I was seriously depressed.  At first, I thought it was exhaustion.  I wasn’t sleeping well and I was just tired all the time.  However, I put off going to the doctor thinking… “this too shall pass.” But it didn’t.

Then I went on vacation. During my amazing week vacation I was feeling better.  I thought, “You know what, all I needed was a little R&R.”  (See previous post).

After returning from vacation I found out I was pregnant.  I didn’t tell anyone.  I was scared and nervous.  Afraid to be excited.  Afraid that again I would lose.  The doctor said, “It is very common to have 1 miscarriage.  And the number of women who experience a second one is very rare.  Plus, you have 1 child already so that is a good thing.”

And a week ago today, I lost my second pregnancy.  The first time around I was told, “It’s nothing you did.  These things happen.”  But it doesn’t feel that way now. 

Now, I just feel broken.